Practical guide
Communication Styles at Work: Facts, Choices and Connections
When colleagues talk past each other, ask what each person needs to see: the facts, the choices or the connections. Use this exercise to make those needs clear.
What do communication styles look like at work?
Communication styles show up in the detail we include, the questions we ask and the information we want before responding. In a meeting, one colleague asks for evidence. Another wants to settle on a direction. A third asks how the decision fits the wider situation. Each may be trying to make the conversation useful.
TDF offers a way to explore these differences through three perceptual lenses: T focuses on facts, D on choices and F on connections. Everyone uses all three. The exercise below gives each kind of information a place in the conversation, without requiring anyone to take an assessment first.
Start with a question you can actually answer together: What do we need to understand before we can move forward?
One meeting, three different concerns
Imagine a team deciding whether to launch a new service next month. Alex asks how many customers requested it and which tests are complete. Sam asks whether the team should launch, delay or reduce the scope. Jordan asks what the launch will mean for customer support and the commitments already made to existing clients.
The trouble starts when Alex hears Sam as careless, Sam hears Alex as obstructive, and both treat Jordan's questions as a separate discussion. They may simply be looking for different information about the same decision.
In TDF terms, their questions bring facts, choices and connections into focus. They do not tell us anyone's TDF pattern. A person's responsibilities, experience and knowledge of this particular project can also explain what they ask.
A worksheet for your next team meeting
Copy these headings into your meeting notes. Put one decision at the top of the page, then invite everyone to contribute to all three areas. Use specific observations and questions you can follow up on.
| Area | Ask | Record |
|---|---|---|
| Facts | What do we know? What are we assuming? What is missing? | Evidence, constraints, uncertainties and where to check them. |
| Choices | What are our options? What matters most? Who decides, and by when? | Options, priorities, a decision owner and a deadline. |
| Connections | Who is affected? What else depends on this? What is the wider context? | People to consult, related commitments and possible consequences. |
Finish the notes with four lines: Our decision. Our reason. The next action and owner. What would make us reconsider. If you need more information, name who will get it and when the discussion will resume.
Run the exercise in 15 minutes
- Define the decision, 2 minutes. Write one sentence, such as whether to launch the full service next month or start with a smaller pilot. Confirm who has the authority to decide.
- Write silently, 3 minutes. Ask each person to add a fact, a choice and a connection to the worksheet. Quiet thinking time gives people a way into the discussion before the quickest speaker sets its direction.
- Compare what you noticed, 6 minutes. Spend about two minutes on each area. Ask for clarification, separate evidence from assumptions, and keep unanswered questions visible.
- Agree on the next step, 4 minutes. Make the decision if you can. Otherwise, identify the specific gap that prevents it. Assign the next action and set a time to check back.
The timing is a suggested starting point. Give a difficult issue more time when it needs it. The aim is to hear an overlooked concern, not to fill three columns for their own sake.
What to say when the conversation stalls
A broad objection is easier to work with once you understand the request behind it. Try one of these questions, then let the other person correct your interpretation.
- “We are moving too quickly.” Ask: “What do we still need to know, or who do we need to speak with?”
- “We keep going in circles.” Ask: “Which choice would you like us to settle today?”
- “You are missing the bigger picture.” Ask: “What connection or consequence should we put on the page?”
Listen for the answer before defending your proposal. If someone points out a missing support plan, deal with that plan. You do not need to agree on a personality label to understand a concrete concern.
Write a message that gives people enough to act
The same approach works in email and chat. Compare a vague update with a message that includes the evidence, the proposed choice and the consequences.
Before
We should delay the launch. There are too many issues. Thoughts?
After
Two payment tests are still failing. I recommend moving the launch from Tuesday to Thursday so we can retest the fixes. This would also give Support a day to update its guidance. Can the launch owner confirm the date by 3 p.m., or flag a customer commitment that makes Thursday a problem?
The revised message gives readers something to check and something to answer. It also leaves room for information the sender may not have. For a longer proposal, place the decision request near the top and link to the detailed evidence.
Common questions about communication styles
Do I need to know my colleagues' TDF patterns?
No. Anyone can ask about facts, choices and connections. If you want to explore the six patterns, start with How TDF Works.
Does a communication style explain every disagreement?
No. Check the practical conditions too. People may have conflicting targets, different information or no clear authority to decide. A conversation exercise cannot fix an unrealistic workload or an unresolved responsibility.
How will we know whether the exercise helped?
At the next meeting, check whether the agreed action happened. Ask which fact, choice or connection changed the discussion, and what still needs attention. Use those answers to decide whether to keep the worksheet in your routine.
About this guide
The three-lens framework comes from David Farr and Bill Roberts' TDF materials, including Discovering Your Best Self: The TDF Map and The Map of TDF. The meeting exercise and message examples are illustrations of how to use that vocabulary, not accounts of a customer project.
Explore the three lenses and six TDF patterns, or talk with TDF People about a learning experience for your team.